Last Thoughts and Reflections On Argentina

If three years ago my future self traveled in a time machine and told me

“In approximately 36 months 3 days 5 hours and 26 minuets. You will live in Buenos Aires, be able to communicate in Spanish, will stumble home at six in the morning drunk numerous times from partying, have a Latin lover and come out of the whole experience a stronger woman.”

I would look around, check for ecstasy, dancing teddy bears and reply.

“No way would I be brave enough to do something like that in the future. Travel all the way to another country without speaking the language? So far away from home, my friends and my family? No way could I do that.”

However I did do this and it was a decision I will never regret. Before I left my old job to come to Argentina. My former boss sat me down and gave me some sound travel advice. He explained the term “walk about” to me. From what I remember he explained to me that a walk about is taking a span of time to wander the world and discover it and yourself. You don’t know what you are going to do but you will seek that out along the way. As he told me this I realized that a walk about was exactly what I was doing, and the place I chose to do this was Buenos Aires Argentina.
I arrived in Buenos Aires an unsure timid girl who was afraid to be alone and who constantly needed to feel loved and to hear she was loved. I had so much anger and sadness in my heart from issues I was going through in New York, which was part of the reason I ran away. I was falling apart and I did not know who I was anymore and lost almost all of my self-esteem. The moment I came I wanted a boyfriend and to fall in love to escape into romance. I thought this would solve all my problems and anxieties with loneliness and low self-esteem. I realize now that would have made me more messed up because it would of stopped me from dealing with the real issues at hand which was me. One of the most valuable things I learned from this whole experience is how to be alone. It’s okay to be alone. In fact this is when you find the greatest discoveries of yourself. It wasn’t easy. During my discovery I cried so many times and lost myself, but in the end I always found me again. I now understand what the saying you can’t be with someone else until you learn to be alone means. I believe I have come full circle with this. I am no longer seeking a boyfriend. Don’t get me wrong if the right guy comes along I am not going to be stupid and push him away. I will give him a chance. However I would be fine with or without a guy in my life. I always thought the best way to get over someone you loved strongly was to fall deeply in love with someone else, Hence the reasoning for me wanting a boyfriend here so bad. In a way this did happen, but instead of falling in love with another man and building more scare tissue. I fell deeply in love with myself. It’s a hard thing to get over someone without another person being involved, but I managed to do it and it’s the best feeling in the world. I no longer have the yearning for a boyfriend because I don’t need anyone to tell me they love me because I love myself and have respect for myself. I don’t need anyone to tell me I am beautiful because I tell myself this everyday.
Buenos Aires has also made me discover my sexual peak. I am no longer the innocent little virgin that was deflowered almost two years ago. I know what I am doing now. I also now understand that you are not always going to love the people you have sexual relations with. Sometimes you just act out of lust, and there is nothing wrong with that. I will miss some things about Buenos Aires. I will miss listening to the young kids singing below my balcony as I brush my hair in the bathroom. The old men singing and ode to my skin complexion as I walk by. The way they sing with such passion and with the melodic charm of their Italian ancestors.

“oooooooooh Mooooreeeeeenaaaaa”

As it they were in love with a morena in their youth. I will miss hearing Depeche Mode Enjoy The Silence playing in the clubs and blasting in the cars driving by. I will miss the family and intimate atmosphere. How when you walk in a room even if you don’t know a single soul there, you give everyone a kiss on the cheek and say hello. You do the same when you leave. There is no wall build up between people. I remember when my friend and I were in Mar de Plata shopping the sales people where really friendly and not in the I am only being nice to you to get you to spend money kind of way. It was the I actually want to know your name and want you to enjoy my country kind of way. They even gave us goodbye kisses on the cheek!!!!! In New York I am use to snooty sales people who don’t want to work. You most certainly would not get a kiss on the cheek. Sometimes I wish North America had the same type of intimate laid-back feel South America has. For example my last weekend here I stayed over my close friend Marian’s house. Two other friends came by to tell me goodbye before I left the country. We enjoyed white wine in the nice summer breeze that blew through the balcony. I plan to continue to adapt this type of life style back in New York.
Buenos Aires is a big part of my development into an adult. I did a lot of growing here. If anyone ever says to me hey have you ever been to Buenos Aires? I would reply yeah I grew up there. Not literally but emotionally, spiritually, and metaphorically speaking.